Consolidated Joke Thread

Post by **Irish Alan** » July 2, 2007, 11:52 pm

"The U.S. Cardinals said they are going to develop a code of ethics to help them deal with the sexual scandal. Wait a minute, I thought their already was a code of ethics, it's called the Bible."

Post by **Seaserpent** » July 4, 2007, 4:29 pm

Phone Problem

A woman called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel

chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that there are some problems that CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

I thought you'd like to know.

Post by **len ames** » July 4, 2007, 8:34 pm

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

great.

Post by **jingjai** » July 7, 2007, 3:23 pm

A MAN AND HIS WIFE WERE SPENDING THE DAY AT THE ZOO.
SHE WAS WER=ARING A LOOSE FITTING DRESS WITH SLEEVELESS STRAPS.
AS THEY WALKED THRU THE APE EXIHIBIT THEY SAW A LARGE SILVERBACKED GORILLA..
NOTICING THE WIFE THE GORILLA WENT CRAZY.
HE WAS OBVIOUSLY EXCITED AT THE PRETTY LADY IN THE PINK DRESS.
THE HUSBAND NOTICING THE EXCITMENT THOUGHT IT FUNNY. HE SUGGESTED HIS WIFE TEASE THE GORILLA BY WIGGLING HER BOTTOM. SHE PLAYED ALONG AND THE GORILLA GOT EVEN MORE EXCITED, MAKING NOISES THAT WOULD WAKEN THE DEAD. THE HUSBAND SUGGESTED HIS WIFE LET THE STRAPS FALL DOWN ON HER DRESS EXPOSING A BREAST.
SHE DID...THE GORILLA ALMOST TORE THE BARS APART.
NOW...SHOW HIM YOUR THIGHS AND SORT OF WAVE YOUR DRESS AT HIM.. THIS DROVE THE GORILLA ABSOLUTELY CRAZY AND HE STARTED DOING FLIPS.
THE HUSBAND GRABBED HIS WIFE, RIPPED OPEN THE DOOR TO THE CAGE, FLUNG HER IN WITH THE GORILLA AND SLAMMED THE DOOR.
NOW TELL HIM YOU HAVE A HEADACHE!!!

Post by **BarkingTurkey** » July 7, 2007, 9:45 pm

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up,
She said I have to stop w*nking,
I said 'Why?'
She said 'Because I'm trying to examine you'
-------------------------
I was at a cash machine when an old lady came up to me and asked to help check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
-------------------------
boom boom....

Post by **Pakawala** » July 7, 2007, 10:13 pm

Mrs. Thompson was teaching her 3rd grade class and mentioned that humans were the only animal in the world that stuttered.
Little Alice said, "But Mrs. Thompson, my cat stuttered."
The teacher knowing how quaint some of these childrens stories could be, said, "Tell us about how your cat stuttered, Alice."
Alice said, "Well, I was in the back yard with my cat and there is a rotweiler living next door. The dog got very agitated and was barking and jumping and suddenly jumped over our fence."
The teacher said, "That must have been very freightening."
Alice said, "Yes it was and my cat jumped up on his toes and said, 'Pffft, Pffft, Pfft. But before she could say,
F*ck, the dog ate her."

Post by **farang** » July 7, 2007, 10:31 pm

Post by **farang** » July 7, 2007, 11:00 pm

Post by **BKKSTAN** » July 8, 2007, 8:34 am

farang wrote:<embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Hero? Love? Or ..|showStats=yes|autoPlay=no|blogName=|blogURL=http://" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/413780/hero_love_or.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed>

What is this ?a joke or official Thai censorship?

Post by **Paul** » July 8, 2007, 9:03 am

This is the picture you get when you go on to a website deemed 'inapproriate' for you to look at.
It is from the Ministry of Information and Communications Technology (or something like that) and simply means you have been censored.

Come on you know you are not old enough to look at ladies in bikinis !

Post by **beer monkey** » July 8, 2007, 5:00 pm

farang wrote:<embed flashVars="altServerURL=http://www.metacafe.com&playerVars=videoTitle=Hero? Love? Or ..|showStats=yes|autoPlay=no|blogName=|blogURL=http://" src="http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/413780/hero_love_or.swf" width="400" height="345" wmode="transparent" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed>

LOL, a little like the Old JR Hartley (yellow pages)advert from way back on UK TV, but with a very different ending..

Post by **Paul** » July 8, 2007, 6:54 pm

Is it only us in Thailand who are getting the previous clips censored ?
I still am seeing the logo that tells me I have been censored - but BM seems to be enjoying the clip ? whats going on ?

Post by **farang** » July 8, 2007, 6:56 pm

can you view the website ? http://www.metacafe.com/

Post by **Paul** » July 8, 2007, 7:03 pm

Nope - get the same 'censored' logo I am seeing with your clips above.
What looks like a green buddha like symbol inside a blue 'eye' shape

Post by **farang** » July 8, 2007, 7:07 pm

blocked site in thailand then

Post by **Paul** » July 8, 2007, 7:13 pm

so is someone looking at our forum and deciding what we can or cannot view or is something triggering it automatically ?

Post by **farang** » July 8, 2007, 7:17 pm

think its the same same as youtube ,they just blocking all content on http://www.metacafe.com/ aswell

when you click play on the embedded vid it links to the website,but the website is now blocked...so vid wont open

Post by **beer monkey** » July 8, 2007, 7:29 pm

u-tube should be back this week......thats what i read anyway.

and yes i think you will like that video clip paul its funny, and the ending is not what you would expect.

Post by **lee** » July 8, 2007, 9:20 pm

If you download onspeed.com compression software you can view anything in Thailand including youtube and metacafe, I won't go into the technical details but basically you can use the internet censorship free. Shhhh!!!!!

Post by **farang** » July 8, 2007, 9:36 pm

lol............................................................................