DOWRY

Post by **Nice_thai** » August 24, 2007, 11:30 pm

I'm sorry, about my english, i know i'm not very good and learning,but i read some farang here to explain about Dowry,I wonder how he know?,he explain like he know well about Thai custom,Dowry in history of thailand man give lady's parent coz to thank you them,make you have nice lady.same in India lady marry man and give them Dowry,and Thai man they do same and give Dowry to lady's parent,and now more Change coz lady;s parent they give for son in law and her dagthur back to start new family,and no one fix Dowry for lady ,all different not jude from single ,virgin or divorce,or widow,but just different where you pick her?Bar girl,or Nice job, up to her social,anyway all of thing up to you and your lady, ask her if no dowry how she feel,coz my husband he said if no dowry how you feel i said i feel love him same nothing change,that's enough for us and we keep dowry to start new family but i think all okey for Dowry coz this custom not sale dagthur but we have this custom long long time ago, just tell farang not mistake and if you think you need thailady be yr wife not look down yr lady and her family,

Post by **Gozzo** » August 27, 2007, 4:08 pm

Welcome to the forum Nice_thai.

I like hearing from a thai ladies point of view. I dont have as much experience with thai/falang relationships as others, but I have developed certain opinions. I agree, some falangs look down on thai women and their families. But they probably had problems in their own country.

There are good and bad people in every country. I believe most of us falangs come to Thailand because of the attitude and love for life that we get from thai people.

Dont apologise for your english. I understood every word.

Good to hear your thoughts.

Post by **Fred the Farmer** » August 27, 2007, 4:28 pm

The Dowry can be a very confusing concept for a falung and often mis-understood, but at the same time all too often take advantage of...

Like in most cases, this is one the questions that becomes less important if people take their time, the more time, more trust, and a better understanding of Thai culture.

Post by **erikr_** » August 28, 2007, 12:35 am

I think dowry is loaded as it is so often abused. I refused to pay a dowry, and the mrs didn't want one. But then after the wedding I took care of the debt of the parents so that they would be debt free (with the clear message that i never want to hear the word borrow again)

I think in the end that benefits all better as the money is spend well. Guess the house update is next haha, but i have taught the mrs that saving takes time and that i never payout at once haha

Post by **Aardvark** » August 28, 2007, 10:30 am

I have always found that the Dowry is negotiable any way, so no problem

Welcome to the Forum Nice_Thai, hope to hear your comments from time to time

Post by **Nice_thai** » August 28, 2007, 9:42 pm

I'm apologise for all farang man who is have bad thing happen from Thailady,yes i accept some lady play card,drunk,go out in the nigth and have another man when farang husband back to work,i heared and i seen some they did,if you pick her from bar or not prove her may be you got problem lerning her and make sure she ok,if you think you can change crocodie may be you can change her,In Thailand have many good thing may be you take time and lerning more may be you can found you r rigth lady...try to find out lady have Education..nice job.coz they have social to care .......

Post by **teddysmix** » August 28, 2007, 10:26 pm

Nice_thai, no need for you to aplogise. There are good and bad people whever u go.Its nice to here your opinions and experiences . If a farang wants to take a thai lady as his wife ,a dowery is something that maybe he will agree to give if it is reasonable. This being a thankyou to the ladys parents for caring for her through her life and giving her to him.

Post by **erikr_** » August 29, 2007, 12:39 am

Nice_thai wrote:oh yeah erikr_ you make me thinking, what farang thinking about Dowry and not surprise!!! let me tell you about the word thai people they said,FINDING GOOD CAN GET GOODTHING AND FINDING BAD GET BADTHING,if you think to lerning about thai custom or need to stay in thailand YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THAT , if not, noproblem AND LET ME TELL YOU MORE I HAVE NICE JOB WITH THAI GOV AND BUSINESS ,I HAVE LAND NEARLY 100 RAI IN UDON AND ANOTHER PROVINCE ABOUT 300 RAI..........YES MY HUSBAND FINDING GOOD .... CAN GET GOODTHING ...HEHEHEHE,JUST EXPLAIN TO FARANG WHO IS WANT MARRY WITH THAI LADY IF YOU HAVE PROBLEM ASK YOUR LADY HOW TO DO MY PARENT NO NEED COZ WE HAVE LOTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.I'M JUST ONE CASE OF FARANG MAN, hope you LUCKY erikr_

As I said, the dowry is a loaded subject as it is to often misused. As in all societies you have the good and the bad. Thailand is in that perspective no different from farang countries.

Where a marriage is multicultural both cultures will have to adjust to assimilate the good parts of each others culture to make things work. I do not like to generalize and treated the subject as advised by some of my thai friends. I was never asked for a dowry and so did not have to refuse. I do however take care of the family, or in better words let my other half take care of her family.

By the way you should not assume to much and stop using capitals as it is rude.

Post by **Nice_thai** » August 29, 2007, 8:47 am

anyway......I'm one lady who is disagree with farang who is look down thailady and my custom,and can be friend with everybody who is not look down people and custom another country,

Post by **Nice_thai** » August 29, 2007, 8:48 am

I think dowry is loaded as it is so often abused. I refused to pay a dowry, and the mrs didn't want one. But then after the wedding I took care of the debt of the parents so that they would be debt free (with the clear message that i never want to hear the word borrow again)

I think in the end that benefits all better as the money is spend well. Guess the house update is next haha, but i have taught the mrs that saving takes time and that i never payout at once haha
what you mean erikr_

Post by **Nice_thai** » August 29, 2007, 9:15 am

yes i can tell you bkkstan about my custom if you need to know ,if you read some post in here you 'll know and some call Isaan lady stupid ,yes read in here but if you good farang noproblem ,I just comment on bad farang , and we have many good custom here,think you have lady in nong khai or live in NongKhai, may be you know some custom there and some custom different with another part of thailand, I can speak 4 local langauge i have many friend,I learning with there custom,sometime i'm disagree but cant do any coz they belive like that who can change?same Dowry i'm disagree too coz i seen some one i know they work hard just for earn money for dowry and some loan money for dowry i mean thai people they do same for dowry and my parent no need Dowry but we must have dowry to show guest in ceremony the one meaning of dowry is this man good and have money enugh to look after lady who is he married with make parent feel ok when dagthur live with him but this meaning of one dowry in Middle of Thailand, can ask if you want to know more,

Post by **Lek Car Rentals** » August 29, 2007, 11:16 am

I got pestered about this dowry thing one day and then the next, so one day after a drinking session I was walking past a field and bought 5 cows for Lek's mother,

The mother laughed and asked where they would put them so I had to fork out for a cow shed too.

Any way all in all the dowry cost me 25,000 for the cows and 5,000 for the cow shed, this was 9 years ago though.

All seemed happy after that'

One of the cow's was pregnant so they got 6

The custom of the dowry does not have to be all mysery and if it is revue your relationship.

Post by **Aardvark** » August 29, 2007, 11:22 am

Lek Car Rentals wrote:I got pestered about this dowry thing one day and then the next, so one day after a drinking session I was walking past a field and bought 5 cows for Lek's mother,

The mother laughed and asked where they would put them so I had to fork out for a cow shed too.

Any way all in all the dowry cost me 25,000 for the cows and 5,000 for the cow shed, this was 9 years ago though.

All seemed happy after that'

One of the cow's was pregnant so they got 6

The custom of the dowry does not have to be all mysery and if it is revue your relationship.

Geez, you did alright! It cost me Bht 20,000 for one Cow for my Wedding and that was 3 years ago

I hope I was'nt ripped of

Post by **arjay** » August 29, 2007, 3:27 pm

Are you sure they weren't trying to milk you??!!

Or maybe you were trying to butter them up!!

Post by **barrybowfinger** » August 30, 2007, 8:42 am

As someone who is supposed to be paying a dowry fairly soon, all I want to know is how much is reasonable? How much is a blatant rip off?

Post by **RALPHCUSENS** » August 30, 2007, 9:26 am

Barrybowfinger,

It really is very dificult for anyone to give you specifics, there are so many variables, such as;

Has she been married before.

What is the future wifes education.

What is her occupation

has she children.

How old is the future bride, The younger she is the more you are expected to pay.

what is the families standing, within the local community, The higher the standing the more you are expected to pay.

At the end of the day, it depends on how much the future inlaws think you can afford, its all down to NEGOTIATION!!!!!!.

But if you have met one of the many Good Thai Ladies, she will be worth whatever your budget allows you to pay.

The best of luck, and by the way, welcome to the Forum [-o<

Post by **Paul** » August 30, 2007, 11:21 am

barrybowfinger wrote:As someone who is supposed to be paying a dowry fairly soon, all I want to know is how much is reasonable? How much is a blatant rip off?

How much have you been asked for ?

laphanphon · Post by **laphanphon** » August 30, 2007, 11:57 am

thai/thai village gal/virgin, 30-50,000 baht, i know, because i paid it for ex-brother in law. maybe 50-100 K for better off families, but anything over and we are talking farang extortion. just my opinion.

i like sanborn's post somewhere on the subject in a thread somewhere, though his figures are a bit higher than my opinion and experience. but the explanations are right on about virgin/married already/w/kids or met where, village/bar, and what the thais consider worthy of dowry.

Post by **beer monkey** » August 30, 2007, 3:30 pm

laphanphon wrote:
i like sanborn's post somewhere on the subject in a thread somewhere, though his figures are a bit higher than my opinion and experience. but the explanations are right on about virgin/married already/w/kids or met where, village/bar, and what the thais consider worthy of dowry.

this might be the one

SanBorn wrote:
Dowry is according what she is worth. This is calculated according to her virginity, age, looks, education, job, social status, family's rank in society, etc, etc.

Dowry is not expected for divorced women, mothers, excons, orphans and prostitutes(bargirls/freelancers). I only know Farangs who paid dowry to this group. No Thai men will pay dowry to this class since Thais think this is for fools and morons and will be laughed at especially if married to prostitutes.

If she is farmers daughter with her virginity intact, expect 50-100K baht.
If she has college education, expect 100-200K baht, middle-class girl 200K+. If she comes from rich family 1,000,000+, etc,etc.
For an average respectable girl expect about 100K.

Thai men will pay dowry accordingly but Farangs usually overpay because they feel inadequate and makes themselves feel good and have pay to get her attitude.

I usaully advise 50-100K for nice respectible girl since she and her family will ask for help for many years to come.

i see Nice_thai got 4 million in one of her posts. !!

Post by **Nobby** » August 30, 2007, 5:09 pm

Barrybowfinger

If it helps you i am due to pay a dowry at the end of this year and the figure put to me was between 70,000 and 100,000 baht, if i could afford it. Bearing in mind i will be financing the wedding costs, i offered 85,000 baht and my lady's family were more than happy, as i understand.

Now my wife, to be, owns her own house and business and the house is rather big and expensive, by Thai standards and owns a farm which her family works. I'm not sure of the family standing within the village and she has her own transport. She is in her early 40's. I hope the above quick resumae helps and good luck with the future.