Consolidated Joke Thread

[stattointhailand]

A Cockney. A Geordie, and an Aussie who had escaped from the Earls Court Maximum Security Ghetto went to Harrods looking for a job. ..............

[jackspratt]

Stop treating this as a joke, statts - can't you see that I am whining?

[stattointhailand]

So long as you dont try to claim Pom citizenship ........it takes more than a bit of whinging

[stattointhailand]

[747man]

Peter had been in Police force for 25 years.
Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys fifty acres of land in Alaska as far away from humanity as possible...
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month... Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door... He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
"Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00..."
"Great", says Peter, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you...!"
As Cliff is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking."
"Not a problem," says Peter. "After twenty five years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too."
"Well, I get along with people. I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex too."
"Now that's really not a problem!" says Peter, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.
By the way, what should I wear?"
"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

[747man]

John: Dad, there's a girl I like. She's beautiful. I want to go out with her.
Dad: Who?
John: The girl across our street, Nina.
Dad: Oh no, you can't. Don't tell Mom but she's your sister.
John was furious, but a week has passed and he fell in love again.
John: Dad, I think I'm in love. She's prettier.
Dad: who?
John: She lives beside our house, name's Ana.
Dad: Oh son, I pity you but you can't date her. She's your sister as well. I'm sorry but it happened more than once.
John was furious. He decided to talk to his mother.
John: Mom, I hate dad! I can't date the 5 ladies I fell in love with just because they're dad's daughters to different women.
Mom: Oh, don't mind what your father said. You can date whoever you want, he's not your father....

[747man]

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking
Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a ship that had sunk. "Follow me son", the father shark said to his son, and they swam to the survivors.
"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.
"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.
"Now we eat everybody." And they did.
When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them? Why did we swim around and around them?"
His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without all that ---- inside!

[stattointhailand]

Sorry mate, it was meant to be a joke re your April Fools etc comments. It was not my intention to question your medical history, and if it came across in that way I appologiise

[Whistler]

Understood, thanks

[vidmaster]

What are the chances 🥸

[jackspratt]

Been very quiet on the Map today.

Time for you to step up Alan, and hit us with one of your oft repeated funnies - again.

[jackspratt]

[747man]

I wonder if Mr eatnofat has ever thought of contributing as opposed to sniping from the sidelines.

Yer Correct M8, I've Never Seen him Contribute to THIS Thread.....

[jackspratt]

viewtopic.php?p=639337#p639337

Keep looking

[Whistler]

Well Alan, he kinda does in a negative way of course, but that is some kind of contribution isn't it?

[AlexO]

Come on guys, be fair. It was quite a funny post. Totally out of character, but quite funny.

[747man]

gettyimages-1304498900-612x612.jpg

viewtopic.php?p=639337#p639337

Keep looking

I DID Say " Funny " Jack but I Can't see ANY.....

[747man]

gettyimages-1304498900-612x612.jpg

viewtopic.php?p=639337#p639337

Keep looking

Well I've Looked back into HISTORY & Yes I've found one of you Copy & Pastes,But I Did ask for YOU to post " A Funny " & That One Wasn't.....

[747man]

Come on guys, be fair. It was quite a funny post. Totally out of character, but quite funny.

What ?? It Couldn't have been one of Jack's !!

[Udon Map]

Gentlemen, this thread is for humor, not chatter. Thank you.