Consolidated Joke Thread

[Whistler]

A great idea, anybody starting a troll sequence to be executed in front of Central to amuse the crowds

[stattointhailand]

Shocked me that "Gentlemen" contributed to this thread

[Whistler]

Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say, "Edna, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Edna always replied, "I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said, "Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Edna replied, "Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Buddy replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

[747man]

[747man]

Here's a SILLY One, For our OIRISH Readers ......555 !

With the Grand National coming up soon, I'm not a betting man, but a good tip from a very good source. Get you money on Ronseal, it's very good over fences

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

https://youtube.com/shorts/1gJ33jnyVc4? ... ....Little Jonny at it Again.....555 !!

[jackspratt]

Good lord - it's been less than a month.

335019885_148742921116202_2238891024999162768_n.jpg (45.14 KiB) Viewed 3092 times

[vidmaster]

Definitely

[747man]

Good lord - it's been less than a month. 335019885_148742921116202_2238891024999162768_n.jpg



f7453b80ad6b3da174a629aa1258990c.png

But They're only to keep you on your TOES, Jacko !!!

[747man]

[jackspratt]

But They're only to keep you on your TOES, Jacko !!!

You should be more concerned about your cerebral cortex than my TOES, Alan.

[747man]

[747man]

My mate Dave's missus decided to give him a treat for his birthday and take him to a lap dancing club.on arriving the doorman says hello Dave hows it going,wife asks how do you know him ? er he says oh i play footy with him.inside the barman says do u want the usual Dave ? before u ask i play darts with him he says. next a lap dancer comes up and says do you want the special again Dave ?. with that his wife storms out and drags Dave with her into a taxi,the driver turns round and says ---- me Dave you've pulled a minger this week!!

[747man]

I ordered a Chinese takeaway from a local place last night (I won't name them), placed it on the kitchen work top and as I was getting plates, I heard the bags rustling and moving!! I thought what the hell is that?! Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out at me. I was so scared as the bag was moving around, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the floor, frying pan in one hand and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the prawn crackers, I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ....
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... A Peeking Duck!!!!!!!!

[747man]

[747man]

[stattointhailand]

Just a thought, but has anyone tried switching America off and back on again?