Good vid Tam .... the woman at circa 3:28 summed it up perfectly with the carrot analogy.
DM
Consolidated Joke Thread
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
'Don't waste your words on people who deserve your silence'
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
"Never put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until next week."
~Ian Vincent~
~Reinhold Messner~
'You don't have to be afraid of everything you don't understand'
~Louise Perica~
"Never put off until tomorrow, what you can put off until next week."
~Ian Vincent~
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Drunk Monkey
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Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Claret n Blue all way thru .. Up the Iron
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
L2 Season 19/20 Codheads 0 Scunny 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2qrsItFUug
8 minutes is the point of lift off !!!!!!!
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bastard had a twin
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it.'
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person.
When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly.
I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone.
I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.
The dead bastard had a twin
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Rishi Sunak was looking for a call girl.
He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, I am the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom.
Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
She replied, "£200".
To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was "£100".
He then asked the redhead...
Her reply was:
"Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my knickers as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, & keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you have the pensioners; then you can have it for free, just like everything the immigrants get".
He found three such girls in a local pub, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead.
To the blonde he said, I am the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom.
Now how much would it cost me to spend some time with you?'
She replied, "£200".
To the brunette he asked the same question.
Her reply was "£100".
He then asked the redhead...
Her reply was:
"Mr. Prime Minister, if you can get my skirt up as high as my taxes, my knickers as low as my wages, get that thing of yours as hard as the times we are living in, & keep it rising like the price of petrol, keep me warmer than it is in my apartment and screw me the way you have the pensioners; then you can have it for free, just like everything the immigrants get".
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
An immigrant joke on an message board full of immigrants? 
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Julie has a little skirt it's split right up the sides.
Everywhere that Julie went the boys could see her thighs.
Julie also had a skirt that was split right up the front.
.
.
She didn't wear that one.
Everywhere that Julie went the boys could see her thighs.
Julie also had a skirt that was split right up the front.
.
.
She didn't wear that one.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
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stattointhailand
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Laan Yaa Mo
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Re: Russia
We make our world significant by the courage of our questions and by the depths of our answers.
Cosolidated Jokes
A 70 years old pensioner had one hobby, he loved to fish.
He was sitting in his boat and fishing when he heard a voice say “pick me up.” He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the same voice say “pick me up.”
He looked in the water and saw a frog floating on the water surface. The man asked the frog “are you talking to me?”
The frog said “yes, I'm talking to you, pick me up & kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are jealous, because I will be your bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said “are you nuts and didn't you hear what I said?”
“Kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “I would rather have a talking frog than a nagging wife.
He was sitting in his boat and fishing when he heard a voice say “pick me up.” He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the same voice say “pick me up.”
He looked in the water and saw a frog floating on the water surface. The man asked the frog “are you talking to me?”
The frog said “yes, I'm talking to you, pick me up & kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful girl you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are jealous, because I will be your bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.
The frog said “are you nuts and didn't you hear what I said?”
“Kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, “I would rather have a talking frog than a nagging wife.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
A woman starts dating a doctor. She becomes pregnant but they don't want the baby and they don't know what to do.
Nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, Scott Morrison goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on Scott Morrison,
I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try," he says.
The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on Scomo. After the operation, he goes to Scomo and says,
"You're not going to believe this but you've had yet another miracle in your life."
"What happened?" asks Scomo. "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says Scomo.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's another miracle! Here's your baby."
About 15 years go by, and Scomo realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
Scomo replies, "I am your mother. Donald Trump is your father."
Nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, Scott Morrison goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.
The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on Scott Morrison,
I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try," he says.
The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on Scomo. After the operation, he goes to Scomo and says,
"You're not going to believe this but you've had yet another miracle in your life."
"What happened?" asks Scomo. "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says Scomo.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's another miracle! Here's your baby."
About 15 years go by, and Scomo realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
Scomo replies, "I am your mother. Donald Trump is your father."
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Did You Know This About Leather Dresses?
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, And he begins to think totally irrationally.
Ever stop to wonder why?
Well...
It's because she smells like a new Golf Bag.
Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, And he begins to think totally irrationally.
Ever stop to wonder why?
Well...
It's because she smells like a new Golf Bag.
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
555 ! True Though In'it ?? 555 !............
Re: Consolidated Joke Thread
Well DO You Desiree ??