Consolidated Joke Thread

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

This One is for The TEFAL Man.......O.K. Oirish !!

[747man]

And Another one for The OIRISH Red......

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

Here Yer Go Oirish Desiree aka Mr Tefal......

[747man]

'Old Fart Football'
An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
...
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'
Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man
He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally shits in the bed.
The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'
The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides
If you don't laugh
At this one, then you've got a terrible sense of humor !!!!!!!!

[747man]

[747man]

[747man]

Wife says to me 'Why don't you treat me like you did when we were dating'? So i took her out for dinner and drinks then dropped her off at her parents house.....

[747man]

I'm that skint, I opened the door on my advent calendar and a bailiff was stood there

[747man]

And I had to close mine when the Jehovah’s Witness turned up

[Irish Alan]

[joepai]

[maxeboy]

you made my day

[tamada]

An 82 year old man visited his doctor, who had been the family doctor for many years.
“Doctor, I am going to get married”, he said. “I want a thorough medical examination as I want to be sure of performing on my wedding night”.

After completing the examination, the doctor announced “For your age, you are in amazing shape and fully fit”. He then asked “How old is your bride to be?”
The old man advised that she was 24.

The doctor, in surprise, said that he was worried by the huge age difference. So the doctor suggested, “Why don’t you take in a lodger. This would ensure that your young wife is always satisfied”.
“Yes” said the old man, “that is a good idea”.

About a year later, the old man was cycling down the high street at speed when he saw the doctor so pulled over for a chat.

The doctor was very pleased to see him and asked how was his marriage.
“Excellent” said the old man. “My wife had a baby last month”.
“Excellent. And how's the lodger?” the doctor asked.
The old man replied “Also good. Her baby's due next week!”

[AlexO]

Santa is a Yorkshireman
Of this I'm fairly sure
I heard him tiptoe in my room
At roughly Ten to four
"I 'ope tha's fast asleep" he said
"Or tha'll get nowt my lad"
He smelled of Hi Karate
(Must av pinched it from my dad)
Just down stairs I'd left a treat
Santa loves a beer
He loves pork pies and single malt
That was Dad's idea
When I woke next morning
I ran down stairs to see
If Santa had been kind enough
To leave gifts under t'tree
He got our mam a Nightie
And a pair of china pigs
Our dad got socks and undies
And 200 park lane cigs
My sister got a Barbie
Sat on a plastic horse
A One Direction annual
Which she loved of course
When I unwrapped my parcels
My Yorkshire heart did sing
Each gift that Santa gave me
A truly wondrous thing
A flat cap for my noggin
A vest of finest string
The ferret keepers handbook
Each gift fit for a individual
So thank you Santa thank you
You surely are a tyke
But can you please remember
Next year I'd like a bike

[Laan Yaa Mo]

"Good sex is like good Bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ... - Groucho Marx

[Whistler]