Sin Sod
-
businessman
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 1305
- Joined: July 15, 2005, 10:58 am
- Location: Udon
Best to leave alone,"mai dong yung".Tried to help a Vietnam vet once but got no thanks.His wife was a truly awful woman who was bleeding him dry with fake relatives who needed money.His house is tiny but cost several million Baht.I now the local builders merchants and she never added on less than 100 per cent for herself.
I voted yes not only because I got it all back minus the gold, which was still cheaper that what I would of paid for a wedding ring in Australia. But in my situation the family explained before hand it was just for the guests & Lao authorities to see and that my wife and I would get the money back the next day.
-
laphanphon
voted no, only because it seem to be a double standard thing. yes it is custom and i agree with that part, although the custom seems to be fading out in upper circles, so i hear, not that i would know. but on the village guy to village girl in northeast, going sin sod rate is 30-50 thousand baht, but for farangs, i've heard of some amazing numbers.
also know of the finders fee, as i set up a couple internet pages for gals and wanted 10 %. but the one gal wanted me to send emails to people she had no relationship interest in, but only because of finances, so i washed my hands of her, told her i'd help her find love, but not steal money.
my past situation, had registered marriage, never thai ceremony w/sin sod. told wife when i understand thai, i'll do it, but not until then. having a marriage ceremony and not understanding anything didn't sit well with me. but dad has couple rice machines, help w/truck purchase, and home construction, all of which was nothing majorly expensive and he works on my house quite often, so he is over paid for doing an excellent job, which is worth not have the headache of 4 contractors screwing everything up and probably paying the same in long run. he is an excellent example of a true buddhist, so deserving of anything received for services. mom on the other hand was the opposite, every marriage in village was pointed out and sin sod noted, and of course, wife telling me i am getting free sex. didn't know i had to pay for it, but, by the time she left, she was way over paid, lol, lol, lol.
on that, i think i have new girlfriend, and if she stops talking about marriage and having a baby, after all of 3 dates, it might last a while, didn't tell her i had a vasectomy, lol, see is she tells me she is pregnant one of these days. might make my usually 3 month girlfriend time period, well maybe.
also know of the finders fee, as i set up a couple internet pages for gals and wanted 10 %. but the one gal wanted me to send emails to people she had no relationship interest in, but only because of finances, so i washed my hands of her, told her i'd help her find love, but not steal money.
my past situation, had registered marriage, never thai ceremony w/sin sod. told wife when i understand thai, i'll do it, but not until then. having a marriage ceremony and not understanding anything didn't sit well with me. but dad has couple rice machines, help w/truck purchase, and home construction, all of which was nothing majorly expensive and he works on my house quite often, so he is over paid for doing an excellent job, which is worth not have the headache of 4 contractors screwing everything up and probably paying the same in long run. he is an excellent example of a true buddhist, so deserving of anything received for services. mom on the other hand was the opposite, every marriage in village was pointed out and sin sod noted, and of course, wife telling me i am getting free sex. didn't know i had to pay for it, but, by the time she left, she was way over paid, lol, lol, lol.
on that, i think i have new girlfriend, and if she stops talking about marriage and having a baby, after all of 3 dates, it might last a while, didn't tell her i had a vasectomy, lol, see is she tells me she is pregnant one of these days. might make my usually 3 month girlfriend time period, well maybe.
-
Roadman
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 208
- Joined: November 27, 2005, 1:33 pm
- Location: Tauranga, New Zealand and Udon
Hi.
A new board member as a contributor, but a reader for a very long time, having been a regular visitor to Udon for several years.
I voted yes but when first considering marriage to my Thai girlfriend was firmly in the no camp. To my then "western only thinking" it was abhorrent, and I initially had a very narrow view of what would I get in exchange.
My girlfriend on behalf of her family (deceased mother) did not want any payment.
My partner had considerable bank debt (for a thai, but no big deal for a well paid farang) from her family business that had been lost for reasons other than her's and her father. Both off them were working their butts off for peanuts just to service the interest on their farm and home. However over time as the relationship strengthened my mindset changed. It changed when it came to making the final decision to marry and live together here in New Zealand. I was having a guilt trip about both of us living in luxury in New Zealand while her father, sisters and brothers were slaving to just hold the bank from their doors. Not then from the view of thai custom but more from having a peaceful conscience.
As equal partners in our relationship, I chose to pay half the debt; that on the income earner the farm; with the other half on the house was left as thai family debt. As a large landowner in New Zealand I understood the joy that my new father-in-law felt, having his piece of his homeland he now re-owned, free of the bank debt. The money that was being hard earned to pay only bank debt is now paying off the house principle.
The reality is most thai's have debt. Some farangs of my age group (late 40's) have no debt or very little.
For my thai family it may be sin sod. From my view it is part of the old western wedding vows "for better or for worse" and what your conscience and financial standing allows.
And on my previous very narrow view of what do I get in return...a loving, caring, hard working partner....duh as if that was not obvious from very early on. I wish I had found Thailand and this lady earlier in my life.
I use to blow Baht 150,000 each 3-week holiday in Thailand by myself. Now the nieces and nephews and other cousins and relatives spread throughout Thailand providing apartments, houses, vehicles and meals allow both of us to spend 3 week holidays back in Thailand for half the price
A new board member as a contributor, but a reader for a very long time, having been a regular visitor to Udon for several years.
I voted yes but when first considering marriage to my Thai girlfriend was firmly in the no camp. To my then "western only thinking" it was abhorrent, and I initially had a very narrow view of what would I get in exchange.
My girlfriend on behalf of her family (deceased mother) did not want any payment.
My partner had considerable bank debt (for a thai, but no big deal for a well paid farang) from her family business that had been lost for reasons other than her's and her father. Both off them were working their butts off for peanuts just to service the interest on their farm and home. However over time as the relationship strengthened my mindset changed. It changed when it came to making the final decision to marry and live together here in New Zealand. I was having a guilt trip about both of us living in luxury in New Zealand while her father, sisters and brothers were slaving to just hold the bank from their doors. Not then from the view of thai custom but more from having a peaceful conscience.
As equal partners in our relationship, I chose to pay half the debt; that on the income earner the farm; with the other half on the house was left as thai family debt. As a large landowner in New Zealand I understood the joy that my new father-in-law felt, having his piece of his homeland he now re-owned, free of the bank debt. The money that was being hard earned to pay only bank debt is now paying off the house principle.
The reality is most thai's have debt. Some farangs of my age group (late 40's) have no debt or very little.
For my thai family it may be sin sod. From my view it is part of the old western wedding vows "for better or for worse" and what your conscience and financial standing allows.
And on my previous very narrow view of what do I get in return...a loving, caring, hard working partner....duh as if that was not obvious from very early on. I wish I had found Thailand and this lady earlier in my life.
I use to blow Baht 150,000 each 3-week holiday in Thailand by myself. Now the nieces and nephews and other cousins and relatives spread throughout Thailand providing apartments, houses, vehicles and meals allow both of us to spend 3 week holidays back in Thailand for half the price
Sin sod is ok because it's part of the culture and every country has its own unique customs. I probably wouldn't agree if some money wasn't returned, I also disagree with raising the sin sod for farangs. Why should we pay more? Not all farangs are rich, ok some may be, but most are usually middle class with bills to pay, mortgage and just enough money to get by on back in their home country.
on that, i think i have new girlfriend, and if she stops talking about marriage and having a baby, after all of 3 dates, it might last a while, didn't tell her i had a vasectomy, lol, see is she tells me she is pregnant one of these days. might make my usually 3 month girlfriend time period, well maybe.[/quote]
Boy you have a lot more patience then when I was single hence three day Ray
Boy you have a lot more patience then when I was single hence three day Ray
-
arjay
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 8345
- Joined: October 2, 2005, 12:19 pm
- Location: Gone to get a life, "troll free"
I voted yes, because I understand it is part of their culture, but only after I was sure that it wasn't being used as just another way of extracting money from me.
I know of several other farangs who have paid sin sot's in descending order:
100k none given back
100K some given back after wedding
50K
40K
20K and a buffalo
I understand that the family normally pay for the party/reception from the sin sot. In my case I paid a lower sin sot, plus the party costs.
I know of several other farangs who have paid sin sot's in descending order:
100k none given back
100K some given back after wedding
50K
40K
20K and a buffalo
I understand that the family normally pay for the party/reception from the sin sot. In my case I paid a lower sin sot, plus the party costs.
-
laphanphon
extremely patient, lol. but trying to practice as safe sex as possible instead of chasing something new, as interesting as it can be, but safer for a mutual friend. just finding one with same thoughts. in practical sense, i'm not a good catch. already have a kid, ex-wife already owns land to house, so i'll be there for the 30 yr lease. i'm sure as hell not buying or building a new one for new chickie or getting married, plus when i die, she won't get house anyway, the ex will have control. just want to live long enough for kid to be independent and see mother's true colors, so she can tell her not to sell house because she plans to keep living in it. she already has good idea mom isn't up to snuff. but too young to ignore her, only 6. give her 10 yrs and she won't even want to talk to her mother, sad, but hopefully she learns. she an independent thinker at such a young age, very un-thaiBoy you have a lot more patience then when I was single hence three day Ray
.
-
BangkokButcher
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 2690
- Joined: July 4, 2005, 9:06 pm
- Contact:
-
valentine
-
arjay
- udonmap.com
- Posts: 8345
- Joined: October 2, 2005, 12:19 pm
- Location: Gone to get a life, "troll free"
A few quick thoughts. I think she sees you as an investment. A sin sot of 1 mil is much too high, and maybe you wouldn't get it back. I am a cynic.
Ten baht of gold also too much. It's more usually 1 baht of gold for each essential parent or older sibling involved/financing in their upbringing/education. So that sounds like between 2 and 4 baht max. There are lots of things you mentioned that you would be willing to pay for, that to me sound like she would only want you or tolerate you for the money.
How long have you been "courting her"?!
If she really loved you, she certainly wouldn't be telling you to go to massage parlours. They are usually exceedingly jealous and wouldn't want you far out of their sight.
These are just my initial thoughts and I'm sure not everyone would agree.
Ten baht of gold also too much. It's more usually 1 baht of gold for each essential parent or older sibling involved/financing in their upbringing/education. So that sounds like between 2 and 4 baht max. There are lots of things you mentioned that you would be willing to pay for, that to me sound like she would only want you or tolerate you for the money.
How long have you been "courting her"?!
If she really loved you, she certainly wouldn't be telling you to go to massage parlours. They are usually exceedingly jealous and wouldn't want you far out of their sight.
These are just my initial thoughts and I'm sure not everyone would agree.
Hi Philo,
Hope you don't mind me chopping your post about? it's just easier for me to answer...
"As I am new in the marriage business, any comment is welcomed."
Ok... I am no expert, but walked this road last year, so here are my comments...
"Am I cheap or stupid, dreaming or WTF?"
I don't know you Philo... do you feel cheap? Or stupid?
I think your own answer is worth more here. 
"I am 45,"
Me too
"have had 5-7 GFs, all taken out from some bar or FL disco."
I've only ever had the one Thai girlfriend, (we have been married for the past 6 months). I don't drink, so I've never had cause to visit a bar, pub, club or disco in Thailand... and have no experience with bar girl or the like, so can't really comment on this.
"I have sworn to myself to stay a punter till the day I am impotent, and then hire an old hag as a nurse for 5k a month."
Works fine for some, so I've read... but why hire an old hag? What's wrong with a pleasant, well mannered nurse??
Personally, I would rather have a loving wife care for me throughout my life, and I'm sure 5k a month could help towards medical training if required/agreeable. Each to their own I guess.
"This time I have met a 25 yo (nah gae - looks 27+)"
Age and looks are unimportant... it's how you both feel that counts. IMHO
"She does not want sex before marriage"
I can relate to this ok, certainly in the early stages... does tend to test your true feelings, and helps find other ways to communicate them. We failed in our attempt at abstention
, but it did no harm allowing our feelings to intensify for several months beforehand.
"and told me to go to massage parlours because bargirls are no good."
Doesn't sound right to me...
Thai's can be quite possessive of partners, from what I see in my wife, and her friends.
"(I know - it is too good to believe ...)"
If you really think so... maybe marriage ain't for you mate, go back to the "punter/old hag nurse" method.
"When she kisses me with her nose"
Don't ya just love it?.. I personally find the Thai "joop"
Hope you don't mind me chopping your post about? it's just easier for me to answer...
"As I am new in the marriage business, any comment is welcomed."
Ok... I am no expert, but walked this road last year, so here are my comments...
"Am I cheap or stupid, dreaming or WTF?"
I don't know you Philo... do you feel cheap? Or stupid?
I think your own answer is worth more here. "I am 45,"
Me too
"have had 5-7 GFs, all taken out from some bar or FL disco."
I've only ever had the one Thai girlfriend, (we have been married for the past 6 months). I don't drink, so I've never had cause to visit a bar, pub, club or disco in Thailand... and have no experience with bar girl or the like, so can't really comment on this.
"I have sworn to myself to stay a punter till the day I am impotent, and then hire an old hag as a nurse for 5k a month."
Works fine for some, so I've read... but why hire an old hag? What's wrong with a pleasant, well mannered nurse??
Personally, I would rather have a loving wife care for me throughout my life, and I'm sure 5k a month could help towards medical training if required/agreeable. Each to their own I guess.
"This time I have met a 25 yo (nah gae - looks 27+)"
Age and looks are unimportant... it's how you both feel that counts. IMHO
"She does not want sex before marriage"
I can relate to this ok, certainly in the early stages... does tend to test your true feelings, and helps find other ways to communicate them. We failed in our attempt at abstention
, but it did no harm allowing our feelings to intensify for several months beforehand."and told me to go to massage parlours because bargirls are no good."
Doesn't sound right to me...
Thai's can be quite possessive of partners, from what I see in my wife, and her friends. "(I know - it is too good to believe ...)"
If you really think so... maybe marriage ain't for you mate, go back to the "punter/old hag nurse" method.
"When she kisses me with her nose"
Don't ya just love it?.. I personally find the Thai "joop"
I agree entirelyarjay wrote:A few quick thoughts. I think she sees you as an investment. A sin sot of 1 mil is much too high, and maybe you wouldn't get it back. I am a cynic.
Ten baht of gold also too much. It's more usually 1 baht of gold for each essential parent or older sibling involved/financing in their upbringing/education. So that sounds like between 2 and 4 baht max. There are lots of things you mentioned that you would be willing to pay for, that to me sound like she would only want you or tolerate you for the money.
How long have you been "courting her"?!
If she really loved you, she certainly wouldn't be telling you to go to massage parlours. They are usually exceedingly jealous and wouldn't want you far out of their sight.
These are just my initial thoughts and I'm sure not everyone would agree.
1M baht is far too much, and if her family are not grasping, you would get the lot back. It's just, except amongst the greedy, a "flash the cash" tradition these days if they really care about their daughters happiness rather than their own financial interests.
And as for the massage parlours thing, agreed entirely. A normal Thai woman would not contemplate you doing this. Just like any marriage partner in the world it is sometimes just about tolerated in a family situation, for the sake of stability, but you must know how rare that is anywhere.